The Side-Eye Heard ‘Round the Living Room
It all started innocently enough. I brought home a leafy little Ferdinand, hoping he’d add a touch of “I’m a responsible adult” to my apartment. Little did I know, Ferdinand wouldn’t just add greenery, he’d add judgment. And not the subtle kind, either. I’m talking full-on, dramatic leaf-drooping, side-eye-giving, “are you serious right now?” judgment.
I swear I even heard a faint, “Girl, you need to get it together,” rustling through his leaves.
Okay, maybe not. But the message was clear. Ferdinand was not here for my questionable life choices, and he wasn’t afraid to let his foliage do the talking.
The Infamous Dating App Incident
Then there was the time I was agonizing over my dating app bio. Should I lead with my love for obscure documentaries? My uncanny ability to quote “The Office”? As I scrolled through cheesy pickup lines, I noticed Ferdinand‘s leaves were practically vibrating with disapproval. It was like he was saying, “Just be yourself, you weirdo! That’s why I put up with you.”