The Side-Eye from My Fiddle Leaf Fig
It all started with a dramatic wilting episode. I had just returned from a weekend getaway, and there she was, my majestic fiddle leaf fig, slumped over like a disappointed duchess. “Oh, come on, Fiona,” I sighed, misting her leaves with a mixture of water and guilt. “It was just two days!” But Fiona remained unconvinced. Her silence, I swear, spoke volumes.
That’s when it hit me: Fiona is judging me. And frankly, she has every right to.
Fiona isn’t the only one. My spider plant, Bruce, is a whole other story. Bruce thrives on neglect. I’m talking weeks without watering, accidental root-bound situations – you name it, he loves it. It’s as if he’s showing off, saying, “Look at me, I don’t need your constant attention!” Meanwhile, Fiona dramatically sheds a leaf if I look at her the wrong way.
It’s gotten to the point where I analyze their every move:
- New Growth: Am I being praised for my (slightly) improved plant parenting skills?
- Drooping Leaves: Is this passive-aggressive disapproval of my takeout habit?
- Suspicious Leaning: Are they plotting against me? (Okay, maybe I’m overthinking this one.)
Plant Parenthood and the Silent Treatment
What really gets me is their silent treatment. They can’t yell, they can’t complain, but they sure know how to make their feelings known through a strategically placed brown leaf or a mysteriously stunted stem. It’s like they’re saying, “We see your dusty shelves and your neglected watering can, and we’re not impressed.”
And the worst part? They’re probably right.
Leave a Reply