We’ve all seen them – those infuriatingly chipper morning people who practically skip out of bed with the sunrise, a mug of something vaguely green in hand. They preach about productivity and the magic of early mornings, while I’m pretty sure I saw a unicorn frolicking in their Instagram story (taken during their 5 am jog, naturally).
The Pact (and My Unshakable Confidence)
It all started innocently enough. My friend, let’s call her Sunshine Sally, suggested we try a “30-Day Morning Routine Challenge.” Blinded by the promise of increased productivity and maybe even a glimpse of that elusive unicorn, I agreed. “How hard could it be?” I thought, completely underestimating the gravitational pull my bed has on me before noon.
My morning workout, a key element of Sunshine Sally’s carefully crafted routine, was even more disastrous. Let’s just say the only thing I successfully lifted was my own self-doubt (and maybe a few stray couch cushions, thanks to my impressive clumsiness).
The Great (and Hilarious) Morning Routine Fail
The universe, sensing my struggle (and probably entertained by it), decided to up the ante. One morning, I woke up with the unshakeable conviction that I had finally cracked the code to morning-personhood. I even managed to make a smoothie without turning my kitchen into a disaster zone.
Feeling invincible, I decided to treat myself to a leisurely walk in the park. That’s when I tripped over a squirrel (yes, you read that right), landed face-first in a mud puddle, and had to walk home looking like a swamp monster.
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