Is My Plant Judging Me? A Deeply Serious Investigation




Is My Plant Judging Me? A Deeply Serious Investigation


We’ve all been there, right? Staring into the abyss of a houseplant’s stoic facade, wondering what profound thoughts (if any) are going on behind those waxy leaves. Okay, maybe it’s just me. But hear me out, because I’m convinced my plant, Gertrude (yes, she has a name, don’t judge), is secretly judging my every move. And honestly, she has plenty of material to work with.

Exhibit A: The Great Overwatering Debacle of 2023

It all started innocently enough. I, filled with the naive enthusiasm of a new plant parent, showered Gertrude with love, attention, and maybe a tad too much water. I mean, she’s a tropical plant, right? She must be thirsty! Oh, how wrong I was.

One day, I noticed her leaves starting to droop. “Don’t worry, Gertrude,” I crooned, mistaking her silent cry for help as a thirst for more. “Mama’s gonna quench your thirst!” I proceeded to drown her, essentially turning her pot into a miniature swamp.

Gertrude‘s… well, wherever plants keep their judgmental glints. It was subtle, but it was there.

Exhibit B: The Case of the Neglected Dusting

Life, as it tends to do, got busy. Between work deadlines and social obligations, poor Gertrude’s weekly dusting slipped my mind. (Okay, maybe more than a few weeks. In my defense, dust is practically invisible!)

One particularly bright morning, the sun chose to illuminate Gertrude in all her dusty glory. I’m talking a layer of dust so thick you could write your name on it. And as I shamefully grabbed a damp cloth, I could practically hear Gertrude sighing, “Finally! Honestly, the state of this place…”