The Day I Realized My Plant Was Judging My Life Choices



😉 The Side-Eye From a Fern

We’ve all been there. You know, that moment when you’re scarfing down leftover takeout at 2 AM, still in your pajamas from the day before, and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of the microwave door. You know you’re a mess, but then it hits you – your plant has been silently witnessing this entire shame spiral.

Okay, maybe it was just my reflection and the fact that I hadn’t left the house in two days, but I swear my fern, Ferdinand, was giving me the side-eye. It was less “thriving houseplant” and more “disappointed parent attending their firstborn’s interpretive dance recital.”

plant-parent-y. But then, the drooping became more dramatic. I’m talking theatrical, Shakespearean levels of despair. I tried everything: more sunlight, less sunlight, plant food, talking to it (don’t judge, you’ve whispered sweet nothings to your succulents too). Nothing worked.

Then it hit me. Maybe Ferdinand wasn’t actually dying; maybe he was just…disappointed. I mean, think about it:

  • He’d seen me eat an entire bag of chips for dinner while watching reality TV.
  • He’d witnessed my complete inability to fold laundry. It just lived in a pile on the chair. We called it “Mount Washmore.”
  • He knew I hadn’t called my grandmother back.

The evidence was damning.

☘ Plant Therapy: Cheaper Than Real Therapy (But Not as Effective)

I decided to turn things around. For Ferdinand, and let’s be honest, for myself. I started small: actually cooked a real meal (okay, it was ramen, but I added vegetables!), tackled Mount Washmore (it was a valiant effort), and even called my grandmother.

And slowly, ever so slowly, Ferdinand perked up. I swear I even saw a new frond unfurling. Was it the extra sunlight I finally remembered to give him? Or was it the fact that I was finally getting my act together, even if just a little?