Is My Houseplant Judging Me? A Deep Dive into Plant-Based Side Eye

The Time My Fiddle Leaf Fig Almost Called Me Out

I swear it happened. I was about to indulge in my third consecutive night of takeout pizza (don’t judge, adulting is hard!) when I caught my fiddle leaf fig, Ferdinand, subtly shaking his…leaves? Branches? Whatever you call them. It was the kind of shake a disappointed parent gives when their child announces they’re dropping out of med school to pursue a career in mime artistry. Okay, maybe I was projecting, but the judgment felt real, people.

Exhibit A: The Dramatic Wilt

Ferdinand is a drama queen trapped in a leafy green body. Forget forgetting to water him for a day; a slight dip in humidity sends this guy into a tailspin of despair. His leaves droop lower than my motivation on a Monday morning, practically begging for a therapist and a glass of plant-based Pinot Grigio. And you know what the worst part is? I swear he perks up just a little too quickly after I water him, like he’s saying, “Oh, NOW you decide to pay attention to my needs?”