We’ve all been there. You’re sprawled on the couch, three episodes deep into a questionable reality TV show, and a wave of existential dread washes over you. Is this it? you wonder, clutching an empty bag of chips. But for me, that moment of self-reflection came courtesy of Brenda, my oversized Bird of Paradise.
Now, Brenda isn’t your average houseplant. She’s dramatic, with leaves that practically reach for the ceiling when she’s happy and wilt dramatically if I so much as look at a watering can wrong. It was one of these dramatic wilting episodes that made me realize Brenda wasn’t just a plant; she was a highly judgmental roommate with excellent taste in décor.
The Pizza Box Incident
“Oh, right,” I mumbled, grabbing my watering can. “Sorry, Brenda. Things have been a little…hectic.”
As I watered her, I swear one of her leaves twitched. Not just a regular, wind-induced twitch, but a full-blown, “Are you serious right now?” kind of twitch. That’s when it hit me: Brenda wasn’t just thirsty; she was judging my life choices. The pizza boxes, the messy apartment, the fact that my idea of “getting ready” was changing from yesterday’s pajamas into today’s pajamas—she’d had enough.
Living With a Plant Critic: Silence and Side-Eye
From that day forward, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Brenda was silently observing me, her leafy gaze following my every move. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink? Brenda would let out a dramatic sigh (or maybe that was just the wind?). Staying up late binge-watching questionable documentaries? Brenda’s leaves would droop in disapproval.