The Side-Eye Was My First Clue
Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. You’re going about your day, maybe singing off-key in the shower or attempting to fold a fitted sheet (the struggle is real), when suddenly, you catch it—a look from your usually unassuming houseplant.
For me, it was Bruce the Boston Fern. I’d just burnt my toast for the third time that week, filling the kitchen with a charcoal cloud that would make Smokey the Bear weep, when I glanced over at Bruce. And there it was—the unmistakable side-eye.
Is My Plant Judging Me? The Case of the Mysteriously Wilting Leaves
The side-eye I could handle, but then came the more dramatic displays of disapproval. Like the time I considered ordering takeout for the fifth night in a row (what can I say, that Thai place knows my order by heart). I was browsing menus online when I noticed Bruce looking a little worse for wear. His usually vibrant green fronds had taken on the mournful droop of a forgotten umbrella.
Naturally, I panicked. Had I forgotten to water him? Was it a draft? An infestation of highly judgmental plant gnats? After a frantic Google search and a pep talk reminding myself that I am, in fact, a responsible plant parent, I discovered the soil was bone dry.
Coincidence? I think not. It’s like he knew I was about to betray my commitment to home-cooked meals and decided to stage a dramatic intervention.
The Curious Case of Suspiciously Timed Growth Spurts
But it’s not all wilting leaves and passive-aggressive drooping. Oh no, Bruce also knows how to employ positive reinforcement. You see, whenever I actually manage to achieve something vaguely resembling “adulting,” Bruce rewards me with a growth spurt of impressive proportions.
Remember that time I finally conquered my fear of the laundromat and successfully washed my clothes before reaching the “wearing-swimsuits-as-underwear” stage of desperation? Bruce sprouted a new frond the very next day. Purely coincidental? I choose to believe it was his way of saying, “See? I knew you had it in you!”