The Time I Tried to be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)
The Pre-Dawn Pact (With Myself)
Let’s be honest, I’m not what you’d call a “morning person.” I’m more of a “roll-out-of-bed-five-minutes-before-I-have-to-leave-and-consider-it-a-win” person. But lately, I’d been feeling the pressure. All those articles about “successful people” and their 5 a.m. routines were starting to get to me.
So, I made a pact with myself. One week. Just seven measly days of waking up early, embracing the sunrise, and generally pretending to be a functioning human before noon. How hard could it be?
My alarm went off at 6 a.m., and I swear I could hear it laughing at me. I stumbled out of bed, feeling like I’d just run a marathon in my sleep. I shuffled to the kitchen, desperate for the sweet elixir of life—coffee. But disaster struck. I was out.
Turns out, “morning me” hadn’t gotten around to brewing a fresh pot the night before. Rookie mistake. I spent the next hour trying to function on lukewarm water and sheer willpower. Let’s just say my coworkers were treated to a very…special brand of chipper that morning.
Day 3: The Great Yoga Debacle
Okay, so maybe coffee alone wasn’t going to cut it. I needed to embrace the whole “morning routine” thing. Yoga seemed like a good idea. All those bendy people on Instagram made it look so serene and peaceful.
What they don’t tell you is that downward dog at 6:30 a.m. feels suspiciously like a form of torture. Also, my cat found the whole thing endlessly entertaining, particularly when I face-planted trying to achieve “warrior pose.”