The Side-Eye Heard ‘Round the Apartment
We’ve all been there. You’re sprawled on the couch, three episodes deep into a reality TV marathon you swore you wouldn’t get sucked into, a half-eaten bag of chips balanced precariously on your stomach. The only source of light? The ethereal glow of your laptop screen. You know, living the dream.
It was in one of these moments of peak self-reflection (or lack thereof) that I happened to glance at Herbert, my peace lily, usually the embodiment of tranquility with its lush green leaves and graceful demeanor. But this time, something was different. As I met his gaze (or at least the general direction where his gaze would be if plants had eyeballs), I could have sworn he was… judging me.
I, in my infinite wisdom, had completely forgotten to water poor Herbert for a solid week. By the time I remembered, he looked like he was about to audition for a role as a wilting flower in a tragic play. I’m talking dramatic drooping, leaves practically kissing the floor – the whole nine yards.
After some frantic Googling and a pep talk that would have put Tony Robbins to shame, I managed to revive Herbert from his near-death experience. But as I was nursing him back to health, it dawned on me: this wasn’t just a plant being a plant. This was a silent cry for help. A leafy protest against my less-than-stellar life choices.
Exhibit B: The Curious Case of the Unanswered Emails and the Slumpy Plant
Then there was the time I was putting off responding to a particularly daunting email (you know the one – the one that requires actual thought and effort). I was engaged in a fierce battle of wills with my laptop, desperately trying to convince myself that procrastination was a viable life strategy.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed movement. Herbert, who had been basking in the sunlight just moments before, had somehow managed to contort himself into a position that seemed to perfectly mimic my own slumped posture. Coincidence? I think not. It was as if he was saying, “Look at us, two peas in a procrastinating pod. We’re really doing great here.”