The Grocery Store Incident: Where My Inner Critic Got Loud
Have you ever had one of those days where your inner monologue decides to take the stage, microphone in hand, and belt out your every thought for the world to hear? Yeah, well, that happened to me. Let’s just say, my inner voice is a lot funnier (and brutally honest) when it’s not being broadcasted on the loudspeaker of life.
It all started innocently enough. I was at the grocery store, navigating the labyrinthine aisles in search of the elusive perfect avocado (you know, the kind that’s ripe but not TOO ripe?).
I was deeply engrossed in the avocado selection process, gently squeezing each one with the focus of a heart surgeon, when I heard it. A voice, clear as day, right next to me:
“Are you seriously buying that? It’s got a bruise the size of Texas!”
I froze. My heart pounded in my ears. I slowly turned my head, expecting to see a judgmental fellow shopper, maybe even the Avocado Police. But there was no one there. Just a sweet old lady smiling at me from across the aisle, clutching a bag of Brussels sprouts.
It was then I realized…that voice, that brutally honest, avocado-judging voice, was coming from me. Well, my inner voice, to be precise. But still. Mortifying.
The Pandora’s Box of Unfiltered Thoughts
And that, my friends, is how it all began. From that moment on, my inner voice decided that externalization was the name of the game. It was like someone had opened Pandora’s box, only instead of unleashing ancient evils, it was unleashing my unfiltered opinions on:
- The woman in line ahead of me with the overflowing coupon binder (“Oh, this is gonna be a while.”)
- The teenager blasting questionable music from his headphones (“Seriously, what even IS that?”)
- The cashier’s questionable choice of nail art (“Glitter AND stripes? Bold move.”)
Needless to say, it wasn’t pretty. I mean, I wasn’t saying anything outright mean. Just… honest. Brutally, hilariously honest. And unfortunately, also audible.