The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)




My Hilarious Attempt to Become a Morning Person (and Why I Failed)


The 5 a.m. Pact (and My Sleep-Deprived Struggle)

My alarm clock blared, an obnoxious rendition of “Walking on Sunshine” that felt mockingly ironic given the state of my bedroom—dark as a cave and filled with the heavy scent of sleep. I’d made a pact with myself, you see. A pact to join the hallowed ranks of morning people. My friend Sarah, who somehow manages to be perky and productive before sunrise, had assured me it was life-changing. “Think of all you’ll accomplish!” she’d chirped, eyes bright with the dawn.

I, however, felt like I’d swallowed a bag of concrete. My usual morning routine involved hitting the snooze button until the last possible second, then stumbling to the coffee machine like a zombie in dire need of caffeine. But Sarah’s promises of increased productivity and inner peace had wormed their way into my sleep-deprived brain. So here I was, at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m., staring bleary-eyed at my ceiling.

The Great Coffee Caper (and Other Failed Morning-Person Hacks)

The first week was rough, like trying to climb Mount Everest with a hangover. My brain felt like it was still buffering, and the only thing I accomplished before work was spilling coffee on myself twice. (In my defense, it was still dark!) I tried all the morning-person hacks: going to bed early (impossible when you’re used to being a night owl), drinking lemon water (it just made me miss coffee more), and even attempting morning yoga (let’s just say my downward dog looked more like a confused slug).