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Tag: alarm clock

  • The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)

    The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)




    The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)


    We’ve all seen them—those infuriatingly chipper morning people who practically bounce out of bed, chirping about sunshine and productivity. I’m not one of them. I’m a card-carrying member of the Night Owls Association, where the motto is “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” (which, ironically, might be sooner than later if I keep up my nocturnal habits).

    But recently, seduced by promises of increased productivity, boundless energy, and maybe even the ability to make a decent breakfast for once, I decided to embark on a noble and possibly foolish quest: become a morning person.

    The Great Alarm Clock Standoff of 2023

    My first mistake, I now realize, was going all-in on day one. I set my alarm for 5:00 AM, a full three hours earlier than my usual wake-up time. I even downloaded one of those apps that makes you solve math problems to turn it off. (Let me tell you, nothing screams “I hate the world” like long division at the crack of dawn.)

    Yoga Fail: My Downward Dog Was More Like a Dying Walrus

    The internet, in all its infinite wisdom, assured me that the key to becoming a morning person was establishing a positive morning routine. So, naturally, I signed up for a 6:00 AM yoga class.

    Now, I’m not sure what I expected. Maybe some graceful stretching as the sun gently peeked over the horizon, bathing me in its golden rays. What I got was a dimly lit studio full of terrifyingly alert individuals who looked like they’d already run a marathon and filed their taxes before I even managed to get dressed.

  • The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)

    The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)




    The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)


    We’ve all seen them. Those mythical creatures who bound out of bed at dawn, chirping about sunshine and possibilities. They sip green smoothies with alarming perkiness while the rest of us are just trying to remember how to operate the coffee machine. Yes, I’m talking about morning people.

    My Pact With the Alarm Clock (Spoiler: It Didn’t End Well)

    It all started innocently enough. I was reading an article about the numerous benefits of waking up early: increased productivity, reduced stress levels, the ability to speak fluent unicorn, you name it. I, seduced by the promise of achieving peak human potential, decided to make a change. No more hitting snooze until the last possible second. I was going to become a morning person, dammit!

    alarm for the ungodly hour of 6:00 am and prepared for a new me. My plan was foolproof (or so I thought):

    1. Wake up when the alarm goes off (no negotiating!).
    2. Drink a tall glass of lemon water while basking in the morning sun (or, you know, staring bleary-eyed out the window).
    3. Go for a jog while listening to uplifting music (because nothing says “I love mornings!” like pretending you’re in a montage sequence).

    The first morning was rough. Like, sandpaper-on-your-eyeballs rough. I stumbled through my morning routine, feeling more like a zombie than a beacon of productivity. The lemon water tasted suspiciously like betrayal, and my “jog” resembled a slow-motion interpretive dance of someone who desperately needed caffeine.

    The Universe Had Other Plans for My Inner Early Bird

    Things went downhill from there. I started setting two alarms, then three, just to ensure I actually woke up. I accidentally put my shirt on inside out more times than I’d like to admit. And don’t even get me started on the day I poured orange juice into my coffee mug.