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Tag: breaking the rules

The Unspoken Rules of Elevator Etiquette (and Why I Break Them All)

My Hilarious Elevator Etiquette Fails

Let’s be honest, elevators are weird. They’re these metal boxes of forced intimacy hurtling us through the air, all while we pretend we’re not crammed together like sardines on a budget airline. And the unspoken rules? Don’t even get me started.

I vividly recall my first “elevator etiquette fail.” Fresh out of college and eager to impress at my new job, I stepped into the elevator, brimming with nervous energy. An older gentleman joined me. Silence. More silence. Then, a desperate attempt at conversation on my part that went down like a lead balloon. From that day forward, I was determined to crack the code of elevator etiquette, only to realize…it’s all a bit ridiculous.

The Art of (Not) Pushing Elevator Buttons

Rule number one of Elevator Club: Thou shalt master the art of the button. You know the drill. Someone timidly murmurs, “Floor 12, please?” and suddenly, you’re the designated button pusher, responsible for the hopes and dreams (and timely arrival) of everyone onboard.

But here’s where I break the mold. I’m a firm believer in what I call “the preemptive strike.” The moment I step inside, I unleash a friendly, “Anyone need this one?” while hovering over a random button. The result? People are either highly amused or slightly terrified. Either way, it’s a win in my book.

March 13, 2025
The Unspoken Rules of Elevator Etiquette (and Why I Break Them All)

My Personal Elevator Everest

Let’s be honest, elevators are weird. They’re these metal boxes that transport us through the bowels of buildings, crammed with strangers we avoid eye contact with at all costs. And yet, there’s this invisible rulebook we’re all apparently handed at birth dictating how to navigate this 30-second journey without causing a social faux pas.

Take, for instance, my latest elevator adventure. Picture this: I’m running late for a meeting (shocker, I know), coffee sloshing precariously in hand. I make it just as the doors are closing, flinging myself in with a breathless, “Hold the door!” Everyone stares. My triumphant grin falters. The weight of their judgment (or maybe it was just the awkward silence) felt heavier than my overflowing inbox.

elevator etiquette violation. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

The Silent Treatment: An Elevator Etiquette Faux Pas?

Rule number one of Elevator Club: Thou shalt not speak. Apparently, engaging in conversation within the confines of an elevator is a social sin worthy of banishment to the basement (which, ironically, is where the elevator would probably take you anyway).

Listen, I get it. We’re all tired, rushing to important meetings, or just trying to mentally prepare for whatever fresh hell awaits on the next floor. But can we at least acknowledge each other’s existence with a polite nod or a “Good morning”? Anything but the deafening silence that currently reigns supreme.

Elevator Button Etiquette: To Press or Not to Press?

Ah, the age-old question: Do you press the button for someone else, even if it means stretching your arm across their personal space bubble? Or do you just stand there awkwardly while they struggle to reach?

Here’s my take: if you see someone struggling, offer to help! It’s a simple act of kindness that won’t result in you spontaneously combusting (probably). And if someone offers to press the button for you, accept their chivalry with grace. Unless they’re pressing all the buttons. Then run.

March 12, 2025
The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Etiquette (And Why I Break Them All)

Confessions of a Grocery Rebel

The other day, I found myself doing the “grocery store shuffle” – that awkward, sideways dance you do when trying to squeeze past someone blocking the entire aisle with their cart. As I mumbled an apology (that was definitely heard by no one), it hit me: grocery stores are a hotbed of unspoken rules and social expectations.

And you know what? I’m done with it. I’m officially declaring myself a grocery rebel, here to break free from the shackles of grocery etiquette (and maybe inspire you to do the same).

Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Use the Express Lane with “Too Many” Items

Oh, the dreaded express lane. A haven for those grabbing a quick gallon of milk… and a battleground for rule-followers like hawks eyeing anyone daring to approach with more than 12 items.

Look, I get it. Sometimes you’re truly in a hurry. But let’s be honest, haven’t we all been behind the person with a basket overflowing in the express lane while the regular lane sits practically empty?

My rebellious act? I now confidently stride to the express lane with 15 items. Or 18. Maybe even 20 if I’m feeling extra bold (and the cashier looks friendly). Because life’s too short to stand in line for an extra five minutes when there’s perfectly good guacamole waiting for me at home.

March 10, 2025
The Unspoken Rules of Elevator Etiquette (and Why I Break Them All)

The Day My Elevator Etiquette Died (and I Didn’t Care)

It all started with a rogue sneeze. I was crammed into a stuffy elevator, sandwiched between a man who looked vaguely like he was about to announce a hostile corporate takeover and a woman delicately dabbing at her upper lip with a napkin. The sneeze hit me like a freight train, a full-body convulsion that probably rattled the fillings in everyone’s teeth. And you know what? It felt amazing.

As I basked in the post-sneeze euphoria, I realized something profound: I had just broken one of the cardinal rules of elevator etiquette. I had acknowledged my fellow passengers’ existence. I had, dare I say, interacted with them. And the world hadn’t ended. In fact, the woman with the napkin actually cracked a smile.

That, my friends, is when I decided to wage war on the oppressive silence of elevator rides. I became a self-proclaimed Elevator Rebel, committed to injecting a little humanity into these metal boxes of awkwardness.

Elevator Etiquette Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Make Eye Contact (Seriously?)

This is Elevator Etiquette 101. You know the drill: eyes straight ahead, fixed on the glowing numbers above the door, pretending with all your might that you’re not hurtling through space in a metal box with a bunch of strangers.

But here’s the thing: we’re all human. We all crave connection, even if it’s just a fleeting moment of shared amusement with a stranger over a particularly wonky elevator music rendition of “Despacito.” So I say, make eye contact! Offer a smile. You might be surprised at the positive ripple effects it can have.

Elevator Etiquette Rule #2: The Sound of Silence (Unless We’re Talking Profits)

Apparently, the only acceptable topics of conversation in an elevator are work-related and utterly devoid of personality. Heaven forbid you should mention the weather, your adorable new puppy, or the existential dread you feel when contemplating the vastness of the universe.

I, however, am a firm believer in the power of small talk. I’ve had surprisingly delightful conversations in elevators about everything from the best local coffee shops to the latest season of “Stranger Things.” Sure, not every conversation will be a winner, but at least I’m not contributing to the soul-crushing silence.

March 10, 2025