Tag: green guilt

The Day My Plant Judged My Life Choices: A Hilarious Tale of Green Guilt

We’ve all been there. You’re sprawled on the couch in your oldest sweatpants, a half-eaten bag of chips dangerously close to becoming your dinner, binge-watching reality TV for the third hour straight. It’s fine, you tell yourself, everyone needs a night off. But then, you catch it. A flash of green in the corner of your eye. You turn your head slowly, and there it is: your plant, leaves perfectly perched, silently judging your every move.

The Shameful Stare of a Fiddle Leaf Fig

My personal journey into the secretly judgmental world of plants began with Ferdinand, my fiddle leaf fig. Now, Ferdinand isn’t just any plant. He’s a drama queen, a diva, a green-leafed emperor who demands constant attention and the perfect amount of indirect sunlight. I, on the other hand, am… well, let’s just say my life doesn’t always scream “responsible plant parent.”

It was a Tuesday, I think. Or maybe a Wednesday? Honestly, the days all blur together when you’re existing solely on caffeine and the promise of ordering takeout later. I was in my usual state of post-work slump, scrolling through social media with the attention span of a goldfish. Ferdinand was basking in his usual spot by the window, looking effortlessly elegant as always.

Suddenly, I felt a shift in the atmosphere. A prickling sensation on the back of my neck. I looked up, and that’s when I saw it. Ferdinand’s leaves seemed to be… drooping? Was he wilting? Panicking, I scrambled for my watering can, only to realize I’d forgotten to refill it (again). As I sheepishly filled the can, I could have sworn Ferdinand let out a dramatic sigh. Okay, maybe not a sigh, but there was definitely some serious side-eye happening.

March 10, 2025