The Time I Tried to Be a Morning Person (and Failed Spectacularly)
We’ve all seen them. Those mythical creatures who bound out of bed at the crack of dawn, chirping about sunshine and the promise of a fresh pot of coffee. They actually choose to exercise before the workday begins. These, my friends, are the morning people. And for a brief, shining moment, I thought I could be one of them.
Operation: Rise and Shine (More Like Rise and Whine)
My foray into the world of early rising began, ironically enough, in the dead of night. Scrolling through Pinterest at 2:00 AM, I stumbled upon countless infographics touting the benefits of waking up early: increased productivity, reduced stress levels, the ability to actually make a decent breakfast. I was sold.
morning routine. This involved things like “meditation” (read: panicking about how little sleep I was getting) and “journaling” (scribbling incoherent sentences in the dark).
The first few days were rough. My brain felt like it was perpetually stuck in a fog bank, and I relied heavily on industrial-strength coffee to function. But then, something miraculous happened. One morning, I woke up before my alarm went off. I felt…dare I say…rested?
Maybe, just maybe, I was becoming one of them.
Fueled by this newfound sense of morning personhood, I decided to make a healthy breakfast. I grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and…well, let’s just say I forgot that unopened yogurt containers have a tendency to explode when shaken vigorously.
The Pre-Dawn Pact I Made (and Immediately Regretted)
Let me set the scene: It’s 5:30 AM, the sun is barely a rumor behind the curtains, and my alarm clock is chirping obnoxiously. Now, for most normal, functioning humans, this might be a typical Tuesday. For me, however, this was a declaration of war on my very nature. You see, I am, and have always been, a card-carrying member of the Night Owls Society. My brain fires on all cylinders at 2:00 AM, I get my best writing done when the moon is high, and the mere thought of a 6:00 AM workout used to send shivers down my spine.
But then, it happened. I stumbled across one of those articles – you know the ones – with titles like “10 Habits of Ridiculously Productive People” or “How Waking Up Early Changed My Life (and It Can Change Yours Too!).” Lured by the siren song of increased productivity and maybe even a shot at early-bird discounts at my local bakery, I decided to make a change. I, dear reader, was going to become a Morning Person™.
Person Mishaps
My transformation started out surprisingly well. I woke up at the ungodly hour of 6:00 AM (a full hour earlier than my usual wake-up time!), made myself a smoothie (that I may or may not have spilled on myself due to my still-dormant motor skills), and even attempted some light yoga (let’s just say my downward dog looked more like a confused dachshund).
However, this newfound productivity was short-lived. My early morning jog felt more like a death march, my attempts at creative writing produced sentences like “The sky was blue, but also kind of sleepy,” and I spent an embarrassing amount of time staring blankly into the abyss of my refrigerator, convinced I had forgotten how to make coffee.
The final straw came during an important work meeting. I, fueled by a potent combination of sleep deprivation and an ill-advised amount of coffee, somehow managed to confuse the CEO with a potted plant during my presentation. Needless to say, my dreams of impressing the higher-ups with my newfound morning-person energy went down in flames (along with my reputation, probably).
Embracing My Inner Night Owl (and My Snooze Button)
After a solid week of pre-dawn misery, I finally surrendered to the undeniable truth: I am not, nor will I ever be, a morning person. I accepted that my creativity thrives after the sun sets, that my ideal breakfast involves copious amounts of coffee, and that my sleep-deprived self poses a danger to both office plants and corporate presentations.
So, I returned to my beloved snooze button, embraced the quiet productivity of the late-night hours, and left the sunrise yoga and green smoothies to those who actually function before noon. And you know what? I’ve never been happier (or more well-rested).
