We’ve all been there, right? Staring out the window at 3 a.m., questioning every decision that led us to this very moment. But lately, I’ve started to suspect I’m not alone in these introspective spirals. No, it’s not a roommate (thankfully, I outgrew those in my early twenties), but something much quieter, much greener, and infinitely more passive-aggressive: my houseplant, Herbert.
When Your Houseplant Gives You the Side-Eye: Herbert‘s Silent Judgement
It all started subtly. I’d be on a dating app, swiping left on a series of increasingly questionable profiles (let’s just say, “aspiring poet” doesn’t hold the same allure it did in college), and I’d catch Herbert’s leaves drooping lower than usual. At first, I chalked it up to needing water or perhaps a bit more sunlight. But then came the night of the disastrous Zoom date.
Picture this: I’m mid-sentence, attempting to charm this poor woman with my sparkling wit (or so I thought), when my internet connection decided to take a nosedive. And not just a regular dip in service—a full-blown digital blackout. I’m talking frozen screens, robotic voices, the whole shebang. By the time I managed to reconnect, my date looked like she wanted to crawl through the screen and personally strangle my router.
