Just Relaxed Blog

Tag: Personal Essay

  • The Great Phone Number Mishap: Why I Can’t Order Pizza Without Using a Fake Name

    The Great Phone Number Mishap: Why I Can’t Order Pizza Without Using a Fake Name







    My Life as “Benedict Cumberbatch”: The Wrong Number That Started It All

    Let’s be honest, we’ve all had those days where we feel like we’re living in a sitcom. You know, the ones where you trip up the stairs, accidentally spill coffee on your white shirt, and then somehow manage to lock yourself out of your apartment – all before 9 am. But my friends, I’m here to tell you, sometimes life throws you a curveball so absurd, so unbelievably funny, that you can’t help but laugh (and then immediately write a blog post about it).

    It all started with a simple craving. It was a Friday night, I was exhausted from a long week, and all I wanted was a big, greasy, cheesy pizza. I’m talking extra pepperoni, extra mushrooms, extra everything. So, like any sane person would do, I grabbed my phone and dialed up my trusty local pizzeria.

    “Is This… Pigeon Rescue?”: A Wrong Number for the Books

    Now, here’s where things get interesting. Unbeknownst to me, I had accidentally typed in one wrong digit in the phone number. ONE. DIGIT. Little did I know, this tiny error would have hilarious and long-lasting consequences.

    The phone rang a couple of times before a very confused-sounding man answered. “Hello?” he said cautiously.

    “Hi there!” I chirped, completely oblivious. “I’d like to place an order for delivery, please. Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with extra mushroo–”

    “Hold on,” the man interrupted, his voice laced with bewilderment. “Is this… Pigeon Rescue?”

  • The Great Phone Number Fiasco: Why I Can’t Remember a Single Number Anymore

    The Great Phone Number Fiasco: Why I Can’t Remember a Single Number Anymore

    The Great Phone Number Fiasco: Why I Can’t Remember Numbers Anymore

    Remember the good old days when you could rattle off the phone numbers of all your best friends, your childhood home, and maybe even your favorite pizza place? Yeah, me neither. And before you assume I’m just getting up there in years, let me assure you, this is a millennial problem too.

    The Day My Brain Outsourced Phone Numbers

    It all hit me a few weeks ago. I was at the counter in a bustling bakery, the aroma of fresh bread battling with the cacophony of coffee orders. My phone, nestled snugly in my pocket, began to vibrate with the urgency of a text message from my husband. “Can you grab a baguette?” it read. Simple enough, right?

    But then it struck me. I needed to call him back to confirm. But his number, the one I’d dialed, texted, and memorized years ago, had vanished into the ether of my brain. Poof! Gone. I stood there, phone in hand, feeling like a contestant on a game show who’d just blanked on the easiest question.

  • The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned From a Houseplant

    The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned From a Houseplant




    The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned From a Houseplant


    From Black Thumb to… Less Black Thumb

    Let’s be honest, my thumbs have never been particularly green. In fact, they’ve been closer to that shade of brown you see on a wilting fern. So, when my well-meaning friend gifted me a houseplant – a cheerful little ZZ plant – I accepted with a mixture of delight and dread.

    “Don’t worry,” my friend chirped, “ZZ plants are practically indestructible!”

    Famous last words, right? I imagined myself, the plant Grim Reaper, leaving a trail of crunchy, brown leaves in my wake. But, determined to prove my friend (and myself) wrong, I embarked on my journey as a plant parent.

    Plant Resilience – A Lesson in Bouncing Back

    My first lesson came courtesy of my own forgetfulness. Life got busy, and I managed to completely neglect watering my poor ZZ plant for… a while. I’m talking weeks, people. Just when I was about to pronounce it deceased, I noticed something remarkable.

    Despite my best (or worst) efforts, the plant was still alive! A little droopy, perhaps, but definitely alive. A quick drink of water and a pep talk later (“You’re a survivor!”), it perked right up.

    It dawned on me then that resilience isn’t just about being tough; it’s also about being adaptable and bouncing back from setbacks. My little ZZ plant, a silent testament to the power of perseverance, became my green guru.

    Lesson 2: Finding Patience in the Slow Growth of Life

    Now, I’m a bit of an instant gratification kind of gal. I like my coffee brewed in seconds and my internet speeds faster than the speed of light. So, imagine my surprise when my ZZ plant decided to teach me the virtue of patience.

    While my other friends’ plants seemed to be shooting up new growth every other day, mine seemed content to just… exist. No new leaves, no dramatic height changes, just steady, unhurried existence.

    It was frustrating, to say the least. But slowly, over time, I began to appreciate the slow and steady rhythm of growth. I learned to find joy in the small things – a new leaf unfurling, a subtle shift in color. The ZZ plant, in its own quiet way, was teaching me that good things come to those who wait.

  • Why I’m Convinced My Plant is Secretly Judging Me

    Why I’m Convinced My Plant is Secretly Judging Me



    The Side-Eye I Swear I See

    Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. You’re scarfing down leftover pizza at 2 am, catching your reflection in the window—and then it hits you. You swear you see a flicker of judgment in the leaves of your usually placid houseplant.

    Maybe I’m just projecting, but ever since I brought Herbert, my oversized peace lily, home from the garden center, I’ve been convinced he’s got my number. And trust me, it’s not a good number.

    Herbert might be a highly evolved life form trapped in a terracotta prison came during one of my less-than-stellar housekeeping moments. Okay, fine, it was a full-blown disaster zone. Let’s just say my apartment was auditioning for a role in a post-apocalyptic film.

    As I sat down to work (surrounded by a fortress of coffee mugs and empty takeout containers, naturally), I noticed Herbert‘s leaves were pointed directly at my keyboard. Now, I’m not a botanist, but even I could tell those were some seriously judgmental leaves. They practically whispered, “Seriously? You couldn’t be bothered to spare a crumb for a plant in need?”

    Exhibit B: The Great Plant Watering Debacle of 2023

    We’ve all heard the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” Well, in the plant world, it’s all about the watering schedule. And let’s just say my track record with keeping Herbert hydrated is…spotty at best.

    There have been times when I’ve showered him with affection (and a little too much tap water), only to forget about him entirely the next week. And you know what? He remembers. Oh, he remembers. That subtle droop in his leaves? Pure passive-aggressive plant drama.

    One particularly scorching summer day, I realized I’d committed the cardinal sin of plant parenthood: I’d let Herbert’s soil turn to literal dust. As I rushed to the sink, frantically filling my watering can, I could have sworn I heard a heavy sigh. Okay, maybe it was the wind. But the way he perked up after that near-death experience? Definitely a power move.

  • The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned from a Houseplant

    The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned from a Houseplant







    My Brown Thumb Gets Greener

    Let’s be honest, my thumbs have never been particularly green. In fact, I’m pretty sure they emit an aura of doom that can wilt even the most resilient cacti. So, when my well-intentioned friend gifted me a peace lily, I accepted it with a grimace disguised as gratitude. “Don’t worry,” I told her, “I’ll try my best.” Little did I know, this plant wouldn’t just survive, it would thrive, and in doing so, teach me some valuable life lessons along the way.

    Lesson #1: Tough Love and Plant Care

    My peace lily and I got off to a rocky start. I overwatered it, then underwatered it, then forgot about it entirely for a week. It’s safe to say my plant was living its best “dramatic wilting” life. Just when I was about to toss it (and my pride) in the compost bin, I stumbled upon a plant care article. Turns out, these resilient little guys actually prefer to dry out a bit between waterings. Who knew?

    Armed with this newfound knowledge, I adjusted my approach. I started paying attention to the subtle signs – drooping leaves meant it was thirsty, while firm, upright leaves indicated it was content. It was like learning a new language, one spoken in the quiet rustle of leaves and the gentle sigh of a thirsty root system.

  • My Kitchen Catastrophe: The Time I Tried to Impress a Date with My (Non-Existent) Cooking Skills

    My Kitchen Catastrophe: The Time I Tried to Impress a Date with My (Non-Existent) Cooking Skills




    My Kitchen Catastrophe: The Time I Tried to Impress a Date with My (Non-Existent) Cooking Skills


    The Art of Deception (or Lack Thereof)

    We’ve all been there. That moment when you’re trying to impress someone new and you accidentally let slip a talent you definitely don’t possess. For me, it was cooking. You see, I’m a master of the microwave, a connoisseur of takeout menus, but a chef? Not so much. Yet, there I was, on a third date with the charming and witty Alex, promising a “home-cooked meal.” What was I thinking?

    Alex, ever the gentleman, jumped up to help, fanning the smoke detector with a dish towel while I frantically tried to salvage the charred remains of our dinner.

    Salvation in a Pizza Box: From Kitchen Fail to Funny Story

    With the kitchen looking like a battleground and the smell of burnt potatoes lingering in the air, I had to face the music. Defeated, I confessed my culinary shortcomings to Alex, who surprised me by bursting into laughter. “Don’t worry,” he said, pulling out his phone. “I know the best pizza place in town.” And just like that, our disastrous date took a turn for the better. We ended up ordering pizza, sharing stories, and laughing about my epic kitchen fail.

  • The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry

    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry



    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry

    Confessions of a Laundry Philosopher

    The other day, I was knee-deep in a mountain of mismatched socks (seriously, where does the other one even go?) and staring down the barrel of a week’s worth of dirty laundry. As I separated lights from darks with the focus of a brain surgeon, a thought struck me:

    “Life is a lot like doing laundry.”

    Okay, I know what you’re thinking. “She’s finally cracked.” But hear me out! Laundry, much like life, is this never-ending cycle of sorting, washing, drying, and folding (or in my case, artfully draping clothes over furniture). And in those seemingly mundane moments, my friends, I’ve stumbled upon some surprisingly profound realizations.

    The Great Sock Mystery and Other Existential Laundry Crises

    Let’s start with the elusive sock enigma. Is there a black hole in my dryer specifically designed to devour single socks? Or is this some cruel cosmic joke? The world may never know.

  • The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Folding Laundry

    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Folding Laundry





    Deep Thoughts While Folding Laundry: Finding Meaning in Mundane Tasks

    We all have those mundane tasks that somehow unlock the deepest parts of our brains. You know, like staring at a blank wall and suddenly understanding the meaning of life? For me, it’s folding laundry.

    From Wrinkled Clothes to Wrinkled Brains: Life Lessons from Laundry

    Just the other day, I was wrestling with a particularly stubborn fitted sheet (don’t even get me started on those!), when BAM! It hit me. Life is a lot like doing laundry. We go through cycles of being crumpled, tossed around, and feeling lost. But with a little effort (and maybe some fabric softener), we come out the other side feeling fresh, organized, and ready to take on the world.

    Sock: Musings on Relationships and Loss

    Then there are the socks. Oh, the socks! How many times have I pulled out a single sock, its mate lost to the mysterious abyss of the dryer? It makes you ponder the nature of relationships, doesn’t it? Are we all destined to wander alone, forever searching for our other half?

    Or maybe, just maybe, that missing sock is out there, living its best life, sock-footed and fancy-free. Who knows, maybe it even found a new partner – one with fewer holes and a better sense of adventure.

    Tiny Socks, Big Thoughts: Reflecting on Life’s Journey

    And speaking of adventure, folding those tiny baby socks? Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions! One minute, I’m overcome with cuteness overload, and the next, I’m struck by the sheer enormity of it all. Those tiny socks represent tiny feet, taking tiny steps into a great big world. It’s enough to make you want to grab your kid (or your cat, no judgment here), hold them close, and whisper, “Don’t grow up too fast, little one. The world is a scary place, full of lost socks and unfolded laundry.”

    Ironing Out Life’s Wrinkles: Finding Beauty in the Everyday

    But here’s the thing about laundry – and maybe about life itself – even with all its wrinkles and missing socks, it’s ultimately a good thing. It’s a sign of a life lived, a life filled with adventures, mishaps, and maybe even a few too many takeout dinners. So the next time you find yourself staring down a mountain of laundry, don’t despair. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the wrinkles. And who knows, you might just stumble upon a profound thought or two along the way.

  • My Life as a Recovering Plant Killer (and Why You Should Totally Become a Plant Parent Too)

    My Life as a Recovering Plant Killer (and Why You Should Totally Become a Plant Parent Too)




    My Life as a Recovering Plant Killer (and Why You Should Totally Become a Plant Parent Too)


    From Black Thumb to Proud Plant Parent

    Let’s be honest, my history with plants was more of a graveyard than a thriving jungle. I’m talking crispy leaves, droopy stems, the whole shebang. I was basically the grim reaper of the plant world. But then, something magical happened. I brought home a little succulent named Steve (yes, I name my plants, don’t judge!), and against all odds, he survived! Not only did he survive, but he thrived under my care. That’s when I realized that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t a lost cause after all. And thus began my journey into the wonderful, weird, and surprisingly hilarious world of plant parenthood.

    Stress Relief, One Leaf at a Time

    You know those days when you feel like you’re drowning in to-do lists and deadlines? Yeah, we all have them. But let me tell you, there’s something incredibly therapeutic about digging your hands in some soil, giving your plants a little water, and watching them soak it all up. It’s like meditation, but with more chlorophyll. And the best part? Plants don’t talk back, judge your messy bun, or steal the covers at night. They’re the perfect listeners, even if they do occasionally shed a leaf or two on the carpet. (Just me? Okay, moving on…)

    Plants as Decor: From Bare Walls to Urban Jungle Oasis

    Okay, confession time: I’m a sucker for a good home decor makeover show. But let’s be real, who has the budget for a complete overhaul every season? Not this plant lady! That’s where my leafy friends come in. Plants are like nature’s own little pieces of art. They add life, color, and texture to any room, and the best part is, they come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of sass. (Looking at you, dramatic Fiddle Leaf Fig in the corner.)

    Here are a few ways plants can level up your home decor game:

    • Create a statement: A large potted plant can instantly become the focal point of a room, adding drama and intrigue.
    • Fill empty spaces: Got an awkward corner or a sad, empty shelf? Plants to the rescue!
    • Bring the outdoors in: Even if you live in a concrete jungle, plants can help create a sense of peace and tranquility, reminding you of the beauty of nature.

    Ready to Become a Plant Parent?

    So, there you have it. My journey from plant killer to proud plant parent. It’s been a wild, leafy ride, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world (except maybe for a rare variegated Monstera, but that’s a story for another time). Trust me, if I can keep a plant alive, anyone can!

  • The Day My Inner Voice Became an Actual Person (and Why I Now Need a Restraining Order)

    The Day My Inner Voice Became an Actual Person (and Why I Now Need a Restraining Order)



    The Day My Inner Voice Became a Person (and Why I Need a Restraining Order)

    We all have that voice inside our heads, right? That little narrator who provides a running commentary on our lives, offering unsolicited advice, witty comebacks we think of too late, and a whole lot of judgment. Well, mine decided to become a corporeal being. And friends, let me tell you, it’s been absolute chaos ever since.

    “You Should Really Get More Fiber” – My Inner Voice, Now Personified

    It started innocently enough. I was at the grocery store, agonizing over which brand of almond butter was ethically sourced and wouldn’t break the bank (adulting is hard, okay?). Suddenly, I heard a voice say, “You know, peanut butter is cheaper and has more protein.”

    I assumed it was just another grocery store philosopher, because those seem to be everywhere these days. But when I turned around, there was…no one. Just then, the voice whispered in my ear, “And you should really get more fiber in your diet.”