The Day the Leaves Turned on Me
It all started innocently enough. I, like many during the dark days of 2020, decided to become a Plant Parent™. I envisioned a sun-drenched living room, overflowing with lush greenery, where I, a domestic goddess, gracefully watered my leafy companions. Cut to 2023, and let’s just say reality didn’t quite stick to the script.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t completely descended into plant-killer territory (yet). But there’s a certain…energy coming from Herbert (yes, I named him, don’t judge). It’s like ever since I forgot to water him for two weeks straight (I swear it was a stressful time!), he’s been harboring some serious resentment.
The worst part? It works every time. I see his pathetic display, immediately drown him in guilt-water, and apologize profusely. Herbert, of course, remains stoic, leaves slowly perking up as if to say, “This is the bare minimum you could do, Brenda.” (He doesn’t know my name, but I’m pretty sure he’s figured it out by now).
Is My Houseplant Giving Me the Side-Eye?
Exhibit B: The Side-Eye. Yes, you read that right. Herbert has perfected the art of the leafy side-eye. It happens whenever I’m doing something remotely questionable, like ordering takeout for the third time this week or attempting (and failing) to follow a yoga tutorial. It’s a subtle shift of the leaves, a barely perceptible tilt towards the window, as if he’s longing for the company of more responsible plant owners.