Just Relaxed Blog

Tag: slice of life

  • The Great Phone Number Mix-Up: Why I Keep Getting Calls for “Gary the Plumber”

    The Great Phone Number Mix-Up: Why I Keep Getting Calls for “Gary the Plumber”



    The Day My Phone Became a Hotline for Leaky Faucets

    It all started innocently enough. I was at my desk, diligently trying to meet a deadline (okay, maybe scrolling through social media), when my phone rang. “Hello?” I answered, expecting it to be my best friend gossiping about the latest episode of our favorite reality show.

    Instead, a gruff voice boomed, “Gary? You got those pipe fittings I ordered?”

    Gary.”

    The voice on the other end scoffed. “Don’t mess with me, Gary. You said you’d be here an hour ago!” And with that, he hung up. I sat there for a moment, bewildered. Was this some elaborate prank call?

    The Never-Ending Saga: Calls for Clogged Toilets and Busted Pipes

    Oh, how I wish it had been a prank call. Over the next few weeks, my phone became a hotline for all things plumbing. I received calls about:

    • A burst pipe in a bakery (apparently, Gary was supposed to save the day…and the croissants).
    • A clogged toilet at a yoga studio (I shuddered to imagine the details).
    • A leaky faucet at a pet grooming salon (the mental image of soapy, wet dogs running amok almost made me answer “Gary’s Plumbing Services” just to redirect the chaos).

    At first, I tried patiently explaining that I wasn’t Gary the Plumber. But after the tenth call about a malfunctioning garbage disposal, even my patience had sprung a leak.

    Becoming “Gary”: My Foray into Fictional Plumbing

    That’s when I decided to have a little fun with it. When someone called asking for Gary, I’d launch into a detailed description of the latest plumbing tools, using made-up technical jargon I’d gleaned from watching too many home improvement shows.

    “Ah, yes, you must be calling about the Hydromatic Pressure Regulator 3000! A fine piece of equipment, if I do say so myself. Now, have you tried recalibrating the flux capacitor?”

  • The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned from a Houseplant

    The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned from a Houseplant




    The Unexpected Life Lessons I Learned from a Houseplant

    My Little Green Guru

    Let’s be honest, I’m about as far from a “plant person” as you can get. My thumbs are decidedly not green – more like a pale, indecisive beige. So, when my well-meaning friend gifted me a houseplant, I accepted it with the same enthusiasm I’d reserve for a tax audit. “Don’t worry,” my friend chirped, “It’s practically unkillable!” Famous last words.

    Little did I know, this unassuming pot of greenery (a ZZ plant, I later learned – very dramatic name) would become my unlikely life coach. Sure, it didn’t offer sage advice or motivational quotes, but through its silent, leafy existence, it taught me more about life than I ever expected.

    Lesson #1: Plant Resilience – More Than Just a Buzzword

    I’m embarrassed to admit how quickly I almost killed the poor ZZ plant. I overwatered it, forgot about it in a dark corner, and generally treated it like a piece of furniture (that occasionally got a splash of water when I remembered). But here’s the thing about ZZ plants: they’re practically superheroes of the plant world.

    Despite my best (or worst?) efforts, the plant bounced back. It lost a few leaves, sure, but its core remained strong. It was a living, breathing testament to the power of resilience. It made me realize that even when life throws shade (pun intended!), we have the capacity to adapt, recover, and come back stronger.

  • The Unspoken Rules of Being a Line-Stander (And Other Odd Social Observations)

    The Unspoken Rules of Being a Line-Stander (And Other Odd Social Observations)




    The Unspoken Rules of Being a Line-Stander (And Other Odd Social Observations)


    Confessions of a Line-Standing Enthusiast (Or Not)

    So, the other day I found myself in a queue that snaked longer than a python at a buffet. It got me thinking: why are there so many unspoken rules about standing in line? We learn about grammar, table manners, and how to not eat glue, but line etiquette? That’s apparently a whole other curriculum.

    And it’s not just lines. Our social fabric seems woven with these invisible threads of expected behavior, these unwritten commandments of “thou shalt” and “thou shalt not” that nobody actually tells you about.

    The Line-Stander’s Creed: A Guide to Queue Decorum

    First, let’s tackle the obvious. Lines, queues, those human caterpillars inching towards a shared goal – they’re practically microcosms of society. Here’s a crash course in their silent language:

    • The Buffer Zone: This is sacred ground, people. Maintain a perimeter of personal space around the person in front of you. Imagine an invisible hula hoop – don’t make them wear it.
  • The Unspoken Rules of Elevator Etiquette (and Why I Break Them All)

    The Unspoken Rules of Elevator Etiquette (and Why I Break Them All)

    My Personal Elevator Everest

    The other day, I found myself in an otherwise uneventful elevator ride when it hit me: I am an elevator anarchist. Not in the sense of prying open the doors between floors or anything (that would be dangerous, kids!). But in the subtle, subversive ways I reject the unwritten code of conduct we’ve all come to accept in these metallic boxes of vertical transport.

    It all started with a harmless whistle. I was in a particularly good mood that day, sunshine radiating off my face like a personal spotlight, and a jaunty tune escaped my lips. The reactions were instantaneous: eyebrows shot up faster than the elevator itself, heads swiveled away like I’d sprouted a second head, and the air thickened with disapproval. It was like I’d committed the ultimate elevator faux pas.

    The Silent Treatment (and Other Elevator Etiquette Atrocities)

    We’ve all been there. Packed like sardines in a metal box, desperately avoiding eye contact and pretending the person mere inches away doesn’t exist. It’s the unspoken rule of elevator etiquette: thou shalt not acknowledge thy fellow passengers. But why? Is a simple “good morning” really going to shatter the delicate fabric of elevator reality?

    And don’t even get me started on the button-pushing protocol. Heaven forbid you accidentally hit the wrong floor button! The judgmental stares, the heavy sighs, the audible gasps of horror—it’s enough to make you want to take the stairs for the rest of your life.

    Here’s a revolutionary thought: what if, instead of treating elevators like moving sensory deprivation chambers, we actually, you know, acted like normal human beings? Imagine a world where brief, pleasant exchanges weren’t met with suspicion, where a simple “going up?” could brighten someone’s day.

    My One-Woman Elevator Etiquette Rebellion

    Look, I get it. Elevators can be awkward. We’re all crammed together in a confined space, silently judging each other’s choice of footwear and desperately hoping nobody smells our coffee breath. But I refuse to let these anxieties dictate my behavior. I will not be silenced! I will not be cowed by the tyranny of the “close door” button!

    These days, I make a conscious effort to break the mold. I smile at strangers (gasp!). I hum along to the elevator music (the horror!). I even—brace yourselves—engage in small talk (cue the dramatic music). And you know what? The world hasn’t ended yet. In fact, I’ve even had a few surprisingly delightful conversations in that most unlikely of places: the elevator.

    So, I Ask You, Dear Reader…

    Are you with me? Are you ready to join the elevator revolution? Or are you content to remain trapped in the suffocating silence of social convention? The choice is yours. But remember, life is too short for awkward silences and missed connections. So go forth, my fellow elevator rebels, and spread the gospel of human interaction, one floor at a time.

  • The Weirdest Thing I’ve Ever Won (And What It Says About Me)

    The Weirdest Thing I’ve Ever Won (And What It Says About Me)

    The Weirdest Things I’ve Ever Won (And What They Say About Me)

    Life is full of surprises. That’s a good thing, right? Sure, until you find yourself holding a winning raffle ticket… for a prize you don’t want. From a year’s supply of sauerkraut to a taxidermied squirrel, join me as I recount the strange prizes I’ve won and what they might reveal about my personality.

    Life is Full of Surprises (and So Are Raffle Baskets)

    We’ve all been there, standing awkwardly at company picnics or school fundraisers, clutching a flimsy raffle ticket and hoping against hope that our number gets called. Most of the time, we walk away empty-handed, maybe with a slightly bruised ego and a renewed appreciation for the law of averages. But sometimes, just sometimes, the raffle gods smile upon us. And then, well, sometimes they hand you a taxidermied squirrel wearing a tiny cowboy hat.

    That, my friends, is how I ended up winning the weirdest prize of my life. But before we delve into the furry, beady-eyed details of that fateful day, let’s rewind a bit. Because, as it turns out, my history with bizarre winnings is more extensive than I’d care to admit. And you know what they say—if you’re going to be bad at something, be memorably bad.

    A Year’s Supply of…Sauerkraut?

    It all started innocently enough. I was at a local food festival, lured in by the promise of deep-fried Oreos and live polka music. (Judge me if you must, but that’s my kind of Saturday.) As I wandered past booths overflowing with handcrafted soaps and artisanal cheeses, a sign caught my eye: “Win a Year’s Supply of Sauerkraut!”

    Now, I’m not opposed to sauerkraut. In fact, I consider it a perfectly acceptable condiment on a hot dog or Reuben sandwich. But a year’s supply? That seemed a bit…ambitious. Still, the competitive spirit in me (fueled by one too many deep-fried Oreos) kicked in, and before I knew it, I was filling out an entry form.

    You can guess what happened next. Weeks later, a very large, very heavy box arrived at my doorstep. Inside? You guessed it—enough sauerkraut to last me well into the next decade. My family was horrified. My friends thought it was hilarious. And me? I learned a valuable lesson that day: never underestimate the power of impulse decisions made on a full stomach.

    The Curious Case of the Taxidermied Cowboy Squirrel

    Fast forward a few years, and we arrive at the aforementioned squirrel incident. It was a silent auction at my niece’s elementary school, and the prize in question was…well, it was a sight to behold. Perched on a piece of driftwood, sporting a miniature cowboy hat and a look of perpetual surprise, was the most unsettlingly lifelike taxidermied squirrel I had ever seen.

    I won’t bore you with the details of how my “winning” bid came to be. Let’s just say it involved a miscommunication, a generous aunt, and a healthy dose of liquid courage. The point is, I was now the proud owner of a taxidermied squirrel named Buckaroo Bob (don’t ask).

    Buckaroo Bob now resides on my bookshelf, a constant reminder of my questionable decision-making skills and the bizarre twists and turns that life can take. He’s become something of a conversation starter, though I’m not sure it’s always for the right reasons.

    What Does It All Mean?

    So, what do these strange winnings say about me? Am I a glutton for punishment? A magnet for the absurd? Or maybe, just maybe, I’m simply someone who embraces the unexpected, even when it comes in the form of fermented cabbage or taxidermied rodents.

    What about you? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever won, and what do you think it says about you? Share your stories in the comments below!

  • The Great Phone Number Mishap: Why I Can’t Order Pizza Without Using a Fake Name

    The Great Phone Number Mishap: Why I Can’t Order Pizza Without Using a Fake Name







    My Life as “Benedict Cumberbatch”: The Wrong Number That Started It All

    Let’s be honest, we’ve all had those days where we feel like we’re living in a sitcom. You know, the ones where you trip up the stairs, accidentally spill coffee on your white shirt, and then somehow manage to lock yourself out of your apartment – all before 9 am. But my friends, I’m here to tell you, sometimes life throws you a curveball so absurd, so unbelievably funny, that you can’t help but laugh (and then immediately write a blog post about it).

    It all started with a simple craving. It was a Friday night, I was exhausted from a long week, and all I wanted was a big, greasy, cheesy pizza. I’m talking extra pepperoni, extra mushrooms, extra everything. So, like any sane person would do, I grabbed my phone and dialed up my trusty local pizzeria.

    “Is This… Pigeon Rescue?”: A Wrong Number for the Books

    Now, here’s where things get interesting. Unbeknownst to me, I had accidentally typed in one wrong digit in the phone number. ONE. DIGIT. Little did I know, this tiny error would have hilarious and long-lasting consequences.

    The phone rang a couple of times before a very confused-sounding man answered. “Hello?” he said cautiously.

    “Hi there!” I chirped, completely oblivious. “I’d like to place an order for delivery, please. Can I get a large pepperoni pizza with extra mushroo–”

    “Hold on,” the man interrupted, his voice laced with bewilderment. “Is this… Pigeon Rescue?”

  • The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry

    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry



    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry

    Confessions of a Laundry Philosopher

    The other day, I was knee-deep in a mountain of mismatched socks (seriously, where does the other one even go?) and staring down the barrel of a week’s worth of dirty laundry. As I separated lights from darks with the focus of a brain surgeon, a thought struck me:

    “Life is a lot like doing laundry.”

    Okay, I know what you’re thinking. “She’s finally cracked.” But hear me out! Laundry, much like life, is this never-ending cycle of sorting, washing, drying, and folding (or in my case, artfully draping clothes over furniture). And in those seemingly mundane moments, my friends, I’ve stumbled upon some surprisingly profound realizations.

    The Great Sock Mystery and Other Existential Laundry Crises

    Let’s start with the elusive sock enigma. Is there a black hole in my dryer specifically designed to devour single socks? Or is this some cruel cosmic joke? The world may never know.

  • The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry

    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry




    The Surprisingly Deep Thoughts I Have While Doing Laundry


    From Dirty Socks to Existential Crisis

    The other day, I was knee-deep in a mountain of laundry – you know, the kind that seems to magically multiply if you so much as glance away for a second? As I blindly searched for a matching sock (seriously, where do they go?), it hit me: laundry is basically a metaphor for life.

    Okay, maybe not basically. But hear me out! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the mundane act of washing clothes could spark some surprisingly deep, albeit often hilarious, thoughts.

    Laundry‘s Unsolved Mysteries

    Let’s start with the obvious: the case of the missing socks. It’s a tale as old as time. You put two socks in the wash, and somehow, only one emerges from the dryer. Where does the other one go? Is there a sock-loving monster lurking in my dryer vent? Is there a parallel universe populated entirely by single socks, forever searching for their missing mates?

    And then there’s the age-old question: why is it impossible to fold a fitted sheet neatly on the first try? It’s like trying to wrangle a rogue octopus onto a Slip ‘N Slide. No matter how hard I try, it ends up looking like a crumpled mess. Is there a secret technique passed down through generations of laundry masters that I haven’t been let in on?

    Life Lessons from the Washing Machine: Finding Wisdom in Chores

    But it’s not all missing socks and laundry mishaps. Sometimes, amidst the detergent fumes and fabric softener sheets, I stumble upon genuine life lessons. For instance:

    • Embrace the cycle. Just like laundry, life has its cycles – ups and downs, dirty and clean. Sometimes, you just have to ride out the spin cycle and trust that things will eventually come out alright (even if they’re a little wrinkled).
    • Don’t be afraid to air your dirty laundry. We all have things we’d rather not show the world. But sometimes, the most liberating thing you can do is to air out those metaphorical dirty clothes. Talk to someone, seek help, or simply acknowledge what’s going on. Trust me, it feels good to let it all hang out (pun intended!).
    • The importance of proper care. Just like a delicate silk blouse, relationships require gentle handling and a little extra care. Ignoring them or treating them harshly will only lead to damage and heartache. So, be kind, communicate openly, and remember to fold with love (or something like that).
  • The Unwritten Rules of Being a Line at the Grocery Store

    The Unwritten Rules of Being a Line at the Grocery Store




    Confessions of a Grocery Line Observer

    The other day, I found myself doing that awkward shuffle-step-sigh routine we all do in grocery store lines. You know the one—where you’re stuck behind the person who seems to have brought their entire life’s savings in pennies, and the cashier is moving at the speed of a sedated sloth? Yeah, that one.

    As I stood there, desperately willing my items to magically scan themselves, I realized something profound (or as profound as one can get while contemplating the structural integrity of a pudding cup): there’s an unspoken code of conduct for being in line at the grocery store. A set of unwritten rules we all instinctively follow (or at least, should follow).

    Rule #1: Mastering the Grocery Store Buffer Zone

    Personal space. It’s a thing, even in the land of overflowing carts and discounted produce. We all crave that invisible force field around us, especially when sandwiched between a mountain of groceries and a stranger’s backpack.

    Pro-tip: Imagine a cashier-facing force field emanating from the person ahead of you. Aim for a buffer zone that allows comfortable breathing room without triggering the “Are you in line?” glare from the person behind you.

  • The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Etiquette (And Why I Break Them All)

    The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Etiquette (And Why I Break Them All)



    Confessions of a Grocery Rebel

    The other day, I found myself doing the “grocery store shuffle” – that awkward, sideways dance you do when trying to squeeze past someone blocking the entire aisle with their cart. As I mumbled an apology (that was definitely heard by no one), it hit me: grocery stores are a hotbed of unspoken rules and social expectations.

    And you know what? I’m done with it. I’m officially declaring myself a grocery rebel, here to break free from the shackles of grocery etiquette (and maybe inspire you to do the same).

    Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Use the Express Lane with “Too Many” Items

    Oh, the dreaded express lane. A haven for those grabbing a quick gallon of milk… and a battleground for rule-followers like hawks eyeing anyone daring to approach with more than 12 items.

    Look, I get it. Sometimes you’re truly in a hurry. But let’s be honest, haven’t we all been behind the person with a basket overflowing in the express lane while the regular lane sits practically empty?

    My rebellious act? I now confidently stride to the express lane with 15 items. Or 18. Maybe even 20 if I’m feeling extra bold (and the cashier looks friendly). Because life’s too short to stand in line for an extra five minutes when there’s perfectly good guacamole waiting for me at home.

    A customer and cashier laughing together at the checkout counter