Just Relaxed Blog

Tag: slice of life

  • The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Etiquette (And Why I Break Them All)

    The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Etiquette (And Why I Break Them All)



    Confessions of a Grocery Rebel

    The other day, I found myself doing the “grocery store shuffle” – that awkward, sideways dance you do when trying to squeeze past someone blocking the entire aisle with their cart. As I mumbled an apology (that was definitely heard by no one), it hit me: grocery stores are a hotbed of unspoken rules and social expectations.

    And you know what? I’m done with it. I’m officially declaring myself a grocery rebel, here to break free from the shackles of grocery etiquette (and maybe inspire you to do the same).

    Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Use the Express Lane with “Too Many” Items

    Oh, the dreaded express lane. A haven for those grabbing a quick gallon of milk… and a battleground for rule-followers like hawks eyeing anyone daring to approach with more than 12 items.

    Look, I get it. Sometimes you’re truly in a hurry. But let’s be honest, haven’t we all been behind the person with a basket overflowing in the express lane while the regular lane sits practically empty?

    My rebellious act? I now confidently stride to the express lane with 15 items. Or 18. Maybe even 20 if I’m feeling extra bold (and the cashier looks friendly). Because life’s too short to stand in line for an extra five minutes when there’s perfectly good guacamole waiting for me at home.

    A customer and cashier laughing together at the checkout counter
  • The Great Phone Number Mix-Up of 2017 (and Why I Still Get Nervous Calls)

    The Great Phone Number Mix-Up of 2017 (and Why I Still Get Nervous Calls)






    Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you’re living in a sitcom? Where the universe seems to be playing a cosmic prank on you? Well, that was my life for a solid year, all thanks to The Great Phone Number Mix-Up of 2017.

    The Case of the Missing Pepperoni (and Other Phone Number Misadventures)

    It all started innocently enough. I needed a new phone number – you know, the usual adulting stuff. Little did I know, this seemingly mundane task would plunge me headfirst into a world of mistaken identities, hangry callers, and enough pizza-related inquiries to last a lifetime.

    My first clue that something was amiss came a few hours after activating my new number. The phone rang, and an enthusiastic voice boomed, “Yo, I need a large pepperoni, extra cheese, and hurry it up!”

    Papa Joe’s Pizzeria?”

    And so began my reign as the unwitting recipient of calls meant for Papa Joe’s, a once-thriving (judging by the call volume) pizza joint.

    The Pizza Pilgrims and Other Wrong Number Tales

    The calls were relentless. Hungry customers, delivery drivers seeking directions, even other pizza places wanting to borrow a cup of mozzarella – all found their way to my line. I quickly learned the Papa Joe’s menu by heart, could recite their delivery radius in my sleep, and even became somewhat of a connoisseur of pizza-related complaints (“Sir, I’m truly sorry, but I can’t help you with your undercooked crust”).

    One particularly memorable call involved a group of tourists who were convinced I was holding their deep-dish hostage. Apparently, they had placed an order at the old Papa Joe’s location (now a laundromat, according to my intel), and were on a mission to claim their cheesy prize. It took all my persuasive powers (and a Google Maps search) to convince them they were on a wild goose chase.

    Life After Papa Joe’s: Why I Still Answer the Phone with Caution

    Eventually, the calls dwindled. Papa Joe’s faded into urban legend, and my phone number became my own again. But the experience left its mark. Even today, years later, I still answer the phone with a hint of trepidation, half-expecting to hear, “Yeah, can I get two slices and a Coke?”

  • The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Navigation (And Why I Break Them All)

    The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Navigation (And Why I Break Them All)

    The Unspoken Rules of Grocery Store Navigation (And Why I Break Them All)

    My Aisle of Shame

    There I was, frozen in mid-aisle, a deer in the headlights of judgmental stares. My crime? I had dared to reach across the sacred threshold of the dairy section to grab a forgotten carton of eggs. The elderly couple, momentarily halted in their synchronized shopping cart waltz, glared at me as if I’d just jaywalked through their living room. It was in that moment, surrounded by overpriced yogurt and lactose-free alternatives, that I realized: I am a grocery store rebel.

    We all know the unspoken rules of grocery store navigation, those invisible lines drawn in spilled coffee granules and forgotten shopping lists. But me? I’m here to confess: I break them all. And frankly, I think it’s time we all embraced a little anarchy in the aisles.

    The Produce Gauntlet: A Contact Sport

    Let’s talk about the produce section, shall we? That glorious, vibrant labyrinth of fruits and vegetables where everyone seems to morph into an Olympic-level citrus squeezer. It’s a battlefield disguised as a farmer’s market, and I’m not afraid to admit I fight dirty.

    Rule #1: Thou shalt only squeeze avocados with the utmost care and reverence.
    Me: *Squeezes every avocado within a five-foot radius with the unbridled enthusiasm of a toddler playing with Play-Doh*

    Rule #2: The express lane is for those with 15 items or less, produce included.
    Me: *Casually saunters into the express lane with a single pineapple and the smug grin of someone who just aced a pop quiz.*

    Sample Snobbery and Other Tales of Anarchy

    The unspoken rules extend far beyond the vegetable kingdom, my friends. They worm their way into every aisle, every corner of the grocery store experience. But fear not, for I have a rebellious solution for each and every one:

    • The Sample Snob: You know the type. They hover around the free samples like vultures, snatching toothpicks with an aggression that would make a seagull blush. My solution? Befriend them. They usually have the inside scoop on the best deals and newest products. Plus, free food is best enjoyed with a side of awkward conversation.
    • The Cart Blocker: They stand there, oblivious to the growing queue of frustrated shoppers behind them, engaged in a riveting conversation about the merits of different brands of canned peaches. My weapon of choice? A well-timed cough and a friendly, “Excuse me, could I just squeeze past you there?” (Bonus points for using the word “squeeze,” it really emphasizes the absurdity of the situation).
    • The Receipt Checker: These meticulous souls meticulously review their receipts before even leaving the checkout lane, scrutinizing every discount and scanning for errors. And while I applaud their commitment to fiscal responsibility, I say embrace the chaos! Just stuff that receipt in your bag and live a little. You’ll catch any discrepancies later (or, you know, never).

    So, Are You a Rule Follower or a Rebel?

    Look, I get it. Grocery stores can be stressful. We’ve all been there, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of choices and the pressure to navigate the social complexities of public food shopping. But maybe, just maybe, we can find a little joy in the chaos. Let’s embrace the accidental cart collisions, the impromptu conversations over discounted hummus, the sheer absurdity of it all.

    What unspoken rules do you break at the grocery store? Let me know in the comments below – I’m always looking for new ways to spice up my shopping trips!